Today’s been a hard one. The black dog has turned up again and is doing its best to drag me down. I’m not entirely sure why, but if I’m honest, there’s a pattern here. I do something good — something I’ve wanted for a long time — and then this wave hits, like something inside me is trying to pull me back down again.
It feels connected to the past. Like there’s still a part of me that expects something bad to follow anything good. A kind of shutdown response, almost protective, but outdated now. The reality is different these days… but convincing that deeper part of my brain is something else entirely. Moving on from that is hard. Really hard.
I’m trying to just sit with it, push through it, and remind myself that this feeling isn’t truth — it’s just old wiring firing at the wrong time.
On the physical side of things, everything continues to move in the right direction. Healing is going well, and things are starting to look… normal. Or at least, the new normal. The bruising has settled right down, and the shape is coming through clearly now.
I’m still keeping up with the massaging, and I can feel things starting to soften a bit as they settle. The next phase will be the filler properly hydrating and integrating, which should bring a bit more firmness and definition. That’s something I’m genuinely looking forward to.
So it’s a bit of a split day. Physically, progress. Mentally, a bit of a battle.
But I’ve been here before. And I know it passes.
One step at a time.
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