Todayโs been a hard one. The black dog has turned up again and is doing its best to drag me down. Iโm not entirely sure why, but if Iโm honest, thereโs a pattern here. I do something good โ something Iโve wanted for a long time โ and then this wave hits, like something inside me is trying to pull me back down again.
It feels connected to the past. Like thereโs still a part of me that expects something bad to follow anything good. A kind of shutdown response, almost protective, but outdated now. The reality is different these daysโฆ but convincing that deeper part of my brain is something else entirely. Moving on from that is hard. Really hard.
Iโm trying to just sit with it, push through it, and remind myself that this feeling isnโt truth โ itโs just old wiring firing at the wrong time.
On the physical side of things, everything continues to move in the right direction. Healing is going well, and things are starting to lookโฆ normal. Or at least, the new normal. The bruising has settled right down, and the shape is coming through clearly now.
Iโm still keeping up with the massaging, and I can feel things starting to soften a bit as they settle. The next phase will be the filler properly hydrating and integrating, which should bring a bit more firmness and definition. Thatโs something Iโm genuinely looking forward to.
So itโs a bit of a split day. Physically, progress. Mentally, a bit of a battle.
But Iโve been here before. And I know it passes.
One step at a time.
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