α·IOαIαα·Eα©ααK
So, you found me. Who is the α·IOαIαα·Eα©ααK? Well, that’s a very good question; I’m not even sure I know anymore.
Forty-something years ago, I was born in a town in the midlands of the UK. My first 20+ years were fairly uneventful, or at least that is what I thought. I went to University in the north of England, and then like many people I ended up living and working in London.
The last 10 years in London have been pretty tough. I found that I had a medical condition that had caused avascular necrosis, which resulted in my bones dying and, ultimately, the replacement of both my hips, hence the “α·IOαIα” in my name. About 8 years ago, the brightest star in my sky, my partner, died unexpectedly, leaving me alone in what became a cold, dark, unrelenting wilderness of a world.
Its been pretty shit if I’m 100% honest, I’ve been lonely, lost and depressed for a long time. My depression resulted in me being made redundant at work, and triggered a move back to the midlands to recoup and recover. Ultimately this was a good thing. It focused me on getting myself back, loosing weight, and finding a job that I enjoy. Which is now where I find myself.
Part of this journey is finding out who I am again.
I’m comfortable with my sexuality but not satisfied with the sex part, particularly getting the sex I want. I tend to go unnoticed when I go out, I suspect I am a bit stand-off-ish. Much of that comes from being afraid and cautious. I will write more about the reason why in my blogs.
Something that has become clear to me over the last little while is that I also sit on the asexual spectrum, I go from periods of craving sexual contact to periods of not wanting any at all, and not understanding why people like it, not quite repulsion but frustrating none the less.
This Blog Is My Safe Space
This blog is my safe space: a place where I can put my thoughts into words and, over time, make sense of the challenges life has thrown my way. Writing helps me process grief, trauma, mental health, therapy, and the often messy journey of rebuilding a life. What you read here reflects my experiences, thoughts and feelings in a moment, not an attempt to judge or define anyone elseβs.
Sometimes people may recognise themselves, or feel that a post touches on events they were part of. If you do, I simply ask that you read it with kindness and keep it to yourself. These posts are never written to blame, shame or hurt anyone; they are part of my own healing.
As that healing continues, I hope this blog will gradually become a place where I can also share the joy of becoming a more confident, slightly older, gay manβembracing my interests, my kinks, and everything else that makes me, me. me to put all my thoughts down on paper and, over time, to rationalise some of my challenges. Over time I hope it will change to be somewhere I can share my experiences becoming a confident, (slightly) older, gay man with kinks.