I’ve started looking for a new job, as I don’t think I can go much longer without some intellectual stimulus or money coming in. While it’s positive that I’ve started looking, it’s very, very scary, and it’s having an effect on my mental health.
I’m scared that I won’t find anything suitable, that I will get rejected, that they will look at me and see a fat middle-aged idiot.
Pre-sales/Product Director jobs can sometimes be complex to come by; for every 10 developers, there is typically one “me”. The number of jobs out there will be limited, plus the salaries at the moment could be better.
I’d love to get positive feedback from my family, but I’ve learned recently that my family needs to give positive feedback. They quickly point out the negative, but positive feedback is rarely heard. I’d just like someone to say, “You’re doing OK”, “You’re going to be OK”, or “You’ve got this”, but all I hear is a deafening silence.
Given this lack of positive feedback, is it a wonder that I have to do everything on my own and keep all my worries and stress to myself?
I’ve even had a reply from one of the companies I’ve applied to, asking me for an initial chat. Good News! So why do I feel like jumping into bed and sleeping until next week? Once again, I know I’m letting myself down. I used to be so strong, able to meet the world face-on, and proud of my abilities, but today, I’m a scared, fat 40-something man sitting in his childhood bedroom in his parent’s house. Argh!
I love Japan; I aim to go there at some point, but not that life will likely let me. During COVID-19, I started to learn Japanese using the DuoLingo app, but every time I reached a certain point, I struggled and needed a classroom environment to progress. So, on Monday night, I had my first virtual Japanese lesson. The lesson itself was easy, but getting used to doing it online was hard; despite Zoom/Teams meetings being part of my working life for years, being on the receiving end and trying to learn simultaneously was a different experience. I may know a few tricks that will enhance my presentation skills over the next few months.
I made a pie today, not the one I wanted; my mother was concerned that I would use too much cheese, and my father doesn’t like ‘cooked cheese’ apparently, so my cheesy chicken pie was a non-starter. Instead, I had to ‘wing it, ‘ which could mean I have created something magnificent or mediocre. Compromise only goes one way in my family. Harumph. So, instead, I made an emergency chicken pot pie, using chicken, some leftover ham, veg, and a tub of chicken soup. Add in some herbs, cover with shop-bought pastry and TADA! One emergency pot pie.
So I asked ChatCPT what it thought about my situation… heres what it had to say.
“Wishing you a sprinkle of courage, a dash of positivity, and a generous serving of good vibes as you navigate the maze of job hunting! Remember, you’re not a scared, fat 40-something man; you’re a brave soul embracing change in the comfort of your childhood bedroom. May your pie-making adventures and Japanese lessons add zest to your journey. Take a deep breath, believe in your abilities, and conquer each challenge with a smile. You’ve got this! 🌟 #BraveryInPieMaking #JobHuntAdventure”
ChatGPT
Two parts of this stood out to me.
Remember, you’re not a scared, fat 40-something man; you’re a brave soul embracing change in the comfort of your childhood bedroom.
and
Take a deep breath, believe in your abilities, and conquer each challenge with a smile. You’ve got this!
So, ChatGPT can be optimistic about my situation, and a large language AI model can be compassionate; why can’t I be kind to myself and see things more positively. Hmmm… something to think about.
Until next time, dear reader, may your pies be thoroughly planned out and as cheesy as you want! Toodles.
ᗷIOᑎIᑕᗷEᗩᖇᑌK 